Guess what, I cry a lot sometimes

Nope, I'm not always as happy as I appear. When the doubt moves in and my mind gets all negative on me, I get confused and overwhelmed and I cry. It’s ok, truly, (ha, in hindsight) When I feel the feels and let them pass.

The painful bit is when I push on and resist, like miss happy.  I’m skillful at this too, have you seen my social media posts?

I think my unhappiness is my loneliness, not from being alone as such but from isolating myself. I've moved to a new place and I'm establishing a new life, post travel, new business, new lifestyle, new friendships, old friendships..it's quite easy for me to hide and keep my head down, working away and not truly letting anyone else in. 

Guess what, I burst into tears whilst driving the other day and again at the table.

My thinking mind, who's not always helpful, leads me to believe it's a sign I am failing at life if I said hey, there's some things I have been struggle with and I need to get them off my chest (well, out of my swirling fretty head).

It feels so real, yes, even when I coach people on this all the time, with zero judgement! We are all just wired to 'think' negatively, including me and even voicing stuff is a relief. 

So I kept up the happy small talk, the smile on my face and ironically, actually avoiding people.

My mind is a trickster, it tells me things like -  noone will wanna hangout with you, if you tell them you're not 100% happy, happiness is attractive - crying is only for your pillow.

You know what's more attractive? Being vulnerable.. and that feels scary.

Basically, I took a leap of faith and got support once more. Turns out I'm pretty hard on myself..I'm doing good and some fresh perspective was needed.

Right now, I am more grateful than ever for support, friends, family, mentors - people I can vent to, even when I might not mean what I say, afterwards.. they listen and call me out on what's bullshit.

Just trust that the blue sky is still behind those storm clouds and do what you need to, to let go of the stuckness.

I've surprised myself with how wonderful my people are and they don’t look at me any differently..it strengthens my trust with myself and the outside world, when I let people in.

So reach out, you’re human, we all have struggles. Even those smiley happy faces on your news feed and those who appear to be nailing life (Trust me!).

I love you all, thanks for reading.

Julia xx